ATTENTION PEEPS!
I'm ditching this blog because I don't like the creepy, stalkery searches that keep bringing people here so I created a new one.
How to find me:
1. If you're my Facebook friend you can find the link there.
2. If you know me from the ORIGINAL "blog" you can find the link there.
3. If you know my email address you can ask me and I'll send you the link.
4. If you know my dad, I'm sure he'll hook you up.
I hate to abandon the shocking number of hits this blog has been getting (seriously, WHO KNEW??) but I love my family more than I love my hits, so it is what it is.
Showing posts with label searches. Show all posts
Showing posts with label searches. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
Stalker
I just checked the searches that directed people to this blog and here are a few of the new & noteworthy ones:
how to spell booger on a calculator
truckee pirate weight watchers
hokey pokey this week video
I don't know how to spell booger on a calculator, if there's a Weight Watchers in Truckee for pirates I don't know anything about it and I haven't done the hokey pokey in years.
Also, there's a disturbing trend of searches for my future sister-in-law, the details of the upcoming wedding, etc. As a result, I'm going mum on all of that.
You see Stalker, THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS.
how to spell booger on a calculator
truckee pirate weight watchers
hokey pokey this week video
I don't know how to spell booger on a calculator, if there's a Weight Watchers in Truckee for pirates I don't know anything about it and I haven't done the hokey pokey in years.
Also, there's a disturbing trend of searches for my future sister-in-law, the details of the upcoming wedding, etc. As a result, I'm going mum on all of that.
You see Stalker, THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Things
1. I am so glad that Jillian picked Ed. If she didn't want him, I'd have been FIRST IN LINE. And if you don't know what I'm talking about, then never mind.
2. My brother just called to tell me that Laurina's work schedule got switched up so that now they're both working the same overnight shifts and CRAP they need to figure out a child care plan and I was like OMG GIVE ME THAT BABY I WANT TO TAKE CARE OF HIM! So maybe...we'll see. I will sleep with him in his crib if I have to.
3. My parents have been less than inspired when coming up with Family Night menus lately because my mom is a crazy picky eater and we are doing Weight Watchers and Sarah is a vegetarian (pescatarian, I guess because she does eat fish but that just sounds toooooo hippie dippie so I'd rather say "vegetarian who eats fish") and we often end up with bbq'd chicken and shrimp and salad. That's lovely and all, but not every week, so last week I put myself in charge of dinner and we had turkey tacos, fish tacos and a hearts of palm, tomato and avocado salad:
My mom is not a taco eater but she likes all the things that go INTO tacos but you put them all together and call it a taco and she'll suddenly think that it's too spicy and OMG SHE MIGHT DIE. But I know my audience so I substituted paprika for the chili powder in the fish recipe and TA DA! Not spicy, but still pretty. It was salty though, which is saying something if *I'M* the one calling it salty. Rachael Ray's recipe called for two tablespoons of salt but that seemed like a lot so I halved it and it was still too salty.
I loved the hearts of palm salad but it was too adventurous for the family so 80% of it ended up in the trash. Poor avocados and tomatoes and hearts of palm. I'd totally make it again, but not for the family.
4. This book was RIDICULOUS:
Madonna's brother is a martyr who complains and then complains some more. I didn't pay for it though so if anyone wants to read it next, please allow me to pass this copy along instead of giving that complainer any money. And if my brothers become world wide pop stars, MARK MY WORDS, I will never complain that they don't book me in a suite when we travel.
5. I've been skewering a lot of things lately:
This one turned out to be something I'd probably feed to other people (unlike most of the food I cook for myself). In fact, maybe my family will soon be enjoying grilled mushrooms, red onions and turkey sausage at an upcoming Family Night!
6. That video I posted last week? I couldn't wait to try out the banana opening technique so when I saw bananas at my local coffee joint the other day, I bought one and documented the process.
Step One:
Step Two:
Step Three:
Success!
The only problem with this method is that I've NEVER been one to eat all the way down to the end of a banana because I hate the idea of eating that black stem thing and this method forces you to actually do something about the black stem thing before you can eat your banana. However, I am frequently banana challenged and this method was lickety split easy so I might have to get over myself and just eat the black thing.
7. Sometimes the predictive searches that come up when I'm tying something into Google really kill me:
8. My iPhone sucks at the far away detail shots but that black thing standing above that chick in the yellow shirt is Huey Lewis:
We have family visiting from England right now and Lyn is like Huey Lewis's ONLY English mega fan so when they figured out when they were coming to visit, we figured out of Huey would be touring anywhere nearby so she could get her fix. The closest show was at the Lake Tahoe Music Festival and I like Huey enough to drive her up there so we went!
It was a whirlwind trip -- there and back in one day -- but it was totally worth it. The concert was held on a golf course in Truckee and it was ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL (as most things in the Tahoe area are) and I'd love to do it again next year, but I'd like to spend the night up there so I could join in on the wine drinking and not have to drive home.
Lyn was amazed at the elaborate picnics people brought and how much drinking was going on (it was BYO wine and picnic, but you could buy wine and BBQ there if you wanted to), which I guess makes sense because they couldn't have outdoor events like that in England. But here? HECK YEAH people here go to town with the wine and the cheese and the delicious looking things being pulled out of coolers all around us.
The only thing that kinda put a damper on the night was that the organization of the event was kinda hokey pokey and the earlier you got there (as we did), the further away from the actual venue you had to park and you couldn't really just walk there so you had to wait for shuttles, which were slow in coming. But okay, fine, we can be patient...except that DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS when you get a few thousand old, wealthy, white people together? THEY BITCH TO NO END about the "public transportation" (uhhh..they were Northstar ski shuttles...it was a VERY FAR CRY from the horrors of Muni, for example) and about the INJUSTICE of having to park so far away when the people who got here later got to park closer and OH MY GOD LET'S ALL BITCH ABOUT IT TOGETHER!
I wanted to respect my elders and I didn't want to embarrass Lyn but if the shuttle hadn't come when it did, I would have told them all to SHUT THEIR FACES BECAUSE YES, I THINK WE ALL UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ARE NOT HAPPY!
They got each other allllll riled up, I tell you.
The ring leader was a PIECE OF WORK, WHO, as it turns out, didn't even have a "preferred" ticket like we did and no matter what time she got there, she would have been in the back. Some people really just complain to complain and boy howdy, it's unattractive.
But once we escaped that lady and her "THE CHAMBER OF COMMERCE *WILL* BE HEARING ABOUT *THIS*!" drama, we settled into our sand chairs (the required BYO seating) and people watched.
And ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, Internet...the people watching was awesome. I could go on and on but I'll just summarize:
A. They all looked the same: The men in Tommy Bahama shirts and the women with complicated hairdos, collagen-filled lips (with lip liner) and big diamonds on their fingers. Mutton dressed as lamb, my mother would say.
B. I'd be willing to bet they were all on their 2nd marriages, at least.
C. We were playing "Spot the Under 40s" and there were a few, but they were ALL with their parents.
D. It's well established that white guys can't dance, right? Well imagine OLD white guys trying to dance. It's a sight to see.
But really, it was a warm, beautiful, perfect night, we were super close to Huey but not so close that we could see his wrinkles, and I'd totally love to go back again.
2. My brother just called to tell me that Laurina's work schedule got switched up so that now they're both working the same overnight shifts and CRAP they need to figure out a child care plan and I was like OMG GIVE ME THAT BABY I WANT TO TAKE CARE OF HIM! So maybe...we'll see. I will sleep with him in his crib if I have to.
3. My parents have been less than inspired when coming up with Family Night menus lately because my mom is a crazy picky eater and we are doing Weight Watchers and Sarah is a vegetarian (pescatarian, I guess because she does eat fish but that just sounds toooooo hippie dippie so I'd rather say "vegetarian who eats fish") and we often end up with bbq'd chicken and shrimp and salad. That's lovely and all, but not every week, so last week I put myself in charge of dinner and we had turkey tacos, fish tacos and a hearts of palm, tomato and avocado salad:
My mom is not a taco eater but she likes all the things that go INTO tacos but you put them all together and call it a taco and she'll suddenly think that it's too spicy and OMG SHE MIGHT DIE. But I know my audience so I substituted paprika for the chili powder in the fish recipe and TA DA! Not spicy, but still pretty. It was salty though, which is saying something if *I'M* the one calling it salty. Rachael Ray's recipe called for two tablespoons of salt but that seemed like a lot so I halved it and it was still too salty.
I loved the hearts of palm salad but it was too adventurous for the family so 80% of it ended up in the trash. Poor avocados and tomatoes and hearts of palm. I'd totally make it again, but not for the family.
4. This book was RIDICULOUS:
Madonna's brother is a martyr who complains and then complains some more. I didn't pay for it though so if anyone wants to read it next, please allow me to pass this copy along instead of giving that complainer any money. And if my brothers become world wide pop stars, MARK MY WORDS, I will never complain that they don't book me in a suite when we travel.
5. I've been skewering a lot of things lately:
This one turned out to be something I'd probably feed to other people (unlike most of the food I cook for myself). In fact, maybe my family will soon be enjoying grilled mushrooms, red onions and turkey sausage at an upcoming Family Night!
6. That video I posted last week? I couldn't wait to try out the banana opening technique so when I saw bananas at my local coffee joint the other day, I bought one and documented the process.
Step One:
Step Two:
Step Three:
Success!
The only problem with this method is that I've NEVER been one to eat all the way down to the end of a banana because I hate the idea of eating that black stem thing and this method forces you to actually do something about the black stem thing before you can eat your banana. However, I am frequently banana challenged and this method was lickety split easy so I might have to get over myself and just eat the black thing.
7. Sometimes the predictive searches that come up when I'm tying something into Google really kill me:
8. My iPhone sucks at the far away detail shots but that black thing standing above that chick in the yellow shirt is Huey Lewis:
We have family visiting from England right now and Lyn is like Huey Lewis's ONLY English mega fan so when they figured out when they were coming to visit, we figured out of Huey would be touring anywhere nearby so she could get her fix. The closest show was at the Lake Tahoe Music Festival and I like Huey enough to drive her up there so we went!
It was a whirlwind trip -- there and back in one day -- but it was totally worth it. The concert was held on a golf course in Truckee and it was ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL (as most things in the Tahoe area are) and I'd love to do it again next year, but I'd like to spend the night up there so I could join in on the wine drinking and not have to drive home.
Lyn was amazed at the elaborate picnics people brought and how much drinking was going on (it was BYO wine and picnic, but you could buy wine and BBQ there if you wanted to), which I guess makes sense because they couldn't have outdoor events like that in England. But here? HECK YEAH people here go to town with the wine and the cheese and the delicious looking things being pulled out of coolers all around us.
The only thing that kinda put a damper on the night was that the organization of the event was kinda hokey pokey and the earlier you got there (as we did), the further away from the actual venue you had to park and you couldn't really just walk there so you had to wait for shuttles, which were slow in coming. But okay, fine, we can be patient...except that DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS when you get a few thousand old, wealthy, white people together? THEY BITCH TO NO END about the "public transportation" (uhhh..they were Northstar ski shuttles...it was a VERY FAR CRY from the horrors of Muni, for example) and about the INJUSTICE of having to park so far away when the people who got here later got to park closer and OH MY GOD LET'S ALL BITCH ABOUT IT TOGETHER!
I wanted to respect my elders and I didn't want to embarrass Lyn but if the shuttle hadn't come when it did, I would have told them all to SHUT THEIR FACES BECAUSE YES, I THINK WE ALL UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ARE NOT HAPPY!
They got each other allllll riled up, I tell you.
The ring leader was a PIECE OF WORK, WHO, as it turns out, didn't even have a "preferred" ticket like we did and no matter what time she got there, she would have been in the back. Some people really just complain to complain and boy howdy, it's unattractive.
But once we escaped that lady and her "THE CHAMBER OF COMMERCE *WILL* BE HEARING ABOUT *THIS*!" drama, we settled into our sand chairs (the required BYO seating) and people watched.
And ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, Internet...the people watching was awesome. I could go on and on but I'll just summarize:
A. They all looked the same: The men in Tommy Bahama shirts and the women with complicated hairdos, collagen-filled lips (with lip liner) and big diamonds on their fingers. Mutton dressed as lamb, my mother would say.
B. I'd be willing to bet they were all on their 2nd marriages, at least.
C. We were playing "Spot the Under 40s" and there were a few, but they were ALL with their parents.
D. It's well established that white guys can't dance, right? Well imagine OLD white guys trying to dance. It's a sight to see.
But really, it was a warm, beautiful, perfect night, we were super close to Huey but not so close that we could see his wrinkles, and I'd totally love to go back again.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
OBESE SAUSAGE BACON BRIDESMAID LOVER: My new favorite YOUR MOM type insult.
There's a direct correlation between my workload at, um, WORK and the frequency with which I blog. Therefore, the sorry state of my blog lately = WHOA, WORK!
I have stuff I need to blog about but I don't just want to be all "OMG CK CAME TO VISIT AND WE ATE HAPPY MEAL PIZZA AND OYSTERS AND WE WERE OVER-SERVED AT THE DRAG QUEEN BAR THE END" so I'm putting all that off for another day.
What I *will* take a moment to share with you is a list of things people were searching for when they found my blog. I don't really care how many hits I get or which IP addresses they came from but HOLY HECK the search referral tool is a kick in the pants.
There are three main themes:
1. People searching for something along the lines of "elizabeth loves bacon blog," which I assume is people who have neglected to bookmark or add me to their blog readers, but who are still DYING to catch up on the blah blah blah.
Thank you searchers, I'm genuinely flattered, but these benign searches aren't making me do any double takes.
2. People searching for bridesmaid dresses for fatties. And paraplegics. For example:
dresses for obese bridesmaids
obese bridesmaid dresses
paraplegic bridesmaid
bridesmaid dresses for fat arms
It's kinda surprising how often the word obese is mentioned.
But then there's also the opposite:
stick thin bridesmaid
I don't think that person found what s/he was looking for, but they were probably treated to a bridesmaid fashion show anyway. The paraplegic searcher was likely disappointed to see that really I was just making fun of a stupid country song.
3. People searching for answers to an assortment of eye booger questions:
avoid annoying eye boogers
eye booger in baby eye
picture of baby eye boogers
Little did I know my post about breaking up with my carpool guy because he put his eye boogers in my tea would lead to so much eye booger traffic!! I don't know anything about BABY eye boogers though.
BUT THEN there are the uncategorized searches:
battleaxe couples cell phone strap
stupid maryland crab tattoo
obese sausage bacon bridesmaid lover
Who the heck knows where those came from but:
A) This sounds like it has the possibility of being dirty. Kinda like when my dad went eBaying for "leather straps."
B) I'd agree that Maryland crab tattoos are probably stupid.
C) WHAT'S IT TO YA?
I have stuff I need to blog about but I don't just want to be all "OMG CK CAME TO VISIT AND WE ATE HAPPY MEAL PIZZA AND OYSTERS AND WE WERE OVER-SERVED AT THE DRAG QUEEN BAR THE END" so I'm putting all that off for another day.
What I *will* take a moment to share with you is a list of things people were searching for when they found my blog. I don't really care how many hits I get or which IP addresses they came from but HOLY HECK the search referral tool is a kick in the pants.
There are three main themes:
1. People searching for something along the lines of "elizabeth loves bacon blog," which I assume is people who have neglected to bookmark or add me to their blog readers, but who are still DYING to catch up on the blah blah blah.
Thank you searchers, I'm genuinely flattered, but these benign searches aren't making me do any double takes.
2. People searching for bridesmaid dresses for fatties. And paraplegics. For example:
dresses for obese bridesmaids
obese bridesmaid dresses
paraplegic bridesmaid
bridesmaid dresses for fat arms
It's kinda surprising how often the word obese is mentioned.
But then there's also the opposite:
stick thin bridesmaid
I don't think that person found what s/he was looking for, but they were probably treated to a bridesmaid fashion show anyway. The paraplegic searcher was likely disappointed to see that really I was just making fun of a stupid country song.
3. People searching for answers to an assortment of eye booger questions:
avoid annoying eye boogers
eye booger in baby eye
picture of baby eye boogers
Little did I know my post about breaking up with my carpool guy because he put his eye boogers in my tea would lead to so much eye booger traffic!! I don't know anything about BABY eye boogers though.
BUT THEN there are the uncategorized searches:
battleaxe couples cell phone strap
stupid maryland crab tattoo
obese sausage bacon bridesmaid lover
Who the heck knows where those came from but:
A) This sounds like it has the possibility of being dirty. Kinda like when my dad went eBaying for "leather straps."
B) I'd agree that Maryland crab tattoos are probably stupid.
C) WHAT'S IT TO YA?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Subscribe To
Posts
All Comments