Things

Oh me oh my, I've been a baaaad blogger. I thought "Oh hey, it's only been a week, whatever" and then I looked at the calendar and realized that OH DEAR it's been nearly TWO weeks.

Here's what I have to say today:

1. I ran for 45 minutes IN A ROW yesterday. It was only a few months ago that I would shoot to run a mile and then walk a mile and then one day I decided to see if I could push through and just keep running and OMG I COULD! I remember someone saying that once you get past the first 20 minutes it's easy to just run on auto-pilot and I remember thinking that PSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHH I CAN'T RUN FOR 20 MINUTES!!!

Except now I can and HE WAS RIGHT! 20 minutes turned into 40 minutes in the blink of an eye and then I figured well shoot, let's just go around the block again just so I can hit 45 and POOF! I was at 45.

2. I've also been going to kickboxing classes taught by a former Power Ranger (for reals) and he's this tiny little thing who flies through the air like a gnat in track pants. There's this move we had to do that involved squatting so your thighs were parallel to the ground (I challenge you to do this, Internet...it's crazy hard) and then SWISH SWASH, doing a 180 turn and landing in a squat again.

When they started doing this insane maneuver I took the opportunity to get some water and "dab" the sweat that was pouring off my face but then I figured OH WHAT THE HELL and gave it a shot and I CAN DO THAT TOO! Not for the 60 seconds of insanity that Le Petit Power Ranger would have preferred, but HOT DAMN.

I got home and showed my parents and can report the following:

A. My dad thinks he can do it too. But only once.

B. My mom, who I'm sure thinks that my "running" is really code for "walking briskly," was shocked at my moves.

I've been thinking lately that my ability to push through pain + my newfound ability to kick my own ass = Maybe there's an athlete under there somewhere??

3. My nephew continues to be wonderful.







4. I went out for dinner with a couple of lady friends and we ordered the big, giant mondo combination meat & cheese carving board and it was LARGE:



We did some significant damage and then each ate about two bites of our entrees before we reached maximum capacity:



I'm hungry right now though so I'm looking at that after shot and wishing I had that leftover cheese and meat to shove in my face. Poor cheese. I hope it doens't think we didn't love it.

5. This is what I look like when I'm waiting for prospective renters to come look at my apartment and decide that in the absence of chairs, ohhhh, draping myself over the bar will be comfortable:



My hair looks like an eskimo hat and my face looks OLD and HAGGARD so hey, why not share it with the internet?

Also, I would note that being folded over the counter is a difficult position to un-do. My dismount was not comfortable.

6. I don't know why they sell these:



7. And now that I've burned your eyes with those last two images, I'll leave you with the cutest dress ever that, I'm sad to report, bags out like crazy after sitting on a bar stool for a few hours:

Things

1. I re-ran my last run of the Golden Gate Bridge as a San Francisco resident this morning. I'm working from home and was able to get up early enough, so why not? I'm pleased to report:

* I didn't see any suicidal people this time.

* I ran THE WHOLE THING AND THEN BACK TO THE MARIN TOWER! If my calculations are correct, this is 2.2 miles, which BOGGLES MY MIND.

ME?

Run 2.2 miles without stopping?

ME AND MY MORBID OBESITY??

Y-E-S!

Of course it took me 25 minutes to do it, but Rome wasn't built in a day.

(But OMG my morbid obesity and I can run for 25 whole minutes IN A ROW without dying, which is something I'm very proud of, especially considering I couldn't run half a lap when I first started "running".)

2. 14 more pounds until I am able to graduate from morbid obesity to just regular obesity, by the way. I know that BMI tables are CRAP, but it's not like I'm just a little bit fat, so the bullshit lines between healthy and unhealthy weights are kinda a moot point.

3. In other news, I had this little, uh, growth like thing on my forehead and I ignored it for a long time and then read about how Dooce had something similar that turned out to be pre-Cancerous cells so I broke down and made an appointment with a dermatologist and even though I was CONVINCED it was bad news she was like "Oh hey, no problem...just some 'waxy cell build up' -- want me to burn it off?" And since I DO NOT LIKE WAXY BUILD UP ANYWHERE, PARTICULARLY ON MY FACE I said "Yes please!"

So she did:



It shows up way better now than it did right after my office visit, but I marched myself out of that building and sat in my car for like 20 minutes trying to get a good shot of my waxy build up. I wasn't particularly successful but I did learn that the extreme FGA produces some CREEPY LOOKING angles. For example, this is one I like to call "I'm Going to Eat Your Soul With a Side of Brains":



3a. Coincidentally, there was an article about non-Cancerous skin things in the Sept/Oct issue of Weight Watchers magazine and it totally discussed my particular variety of waxy cell build up, but I don't really know how to tell the difference between waxy cell build up and something I actually need to worry about so I'll leave the diagnosing to the professionals. Plus, I'm blonde with blue eyes, I've lived in a sunny climate for my whole life and only started wearing regular sunscreen ten or so years ago...I figure it's not so much a matter of if I'll find something that needs to be removed, but when.

3b. I'd also like to say that my friend Lauren had the BAD kind of skin cancer and had it removed and all, but she was only like 23-ish when that happened and despite spending her life up until that point as a sun and tanning bed worshipper, she has done a 180 and is all about the sunblock and shade. There are 100 things I love about Lauren, and her ability to hit the brakes and change her lifestyle like that is one of them. I admire her for it.

I think it's kind of like how when people have heart attacks they get the wake up calls to take better care of themselves, but by that point they're older and they recognize how fragile and precious life is...but a 23-year-old embracing that same attitude is pretty rare.

4. My bathroom light switches have been a problem for oh...say...two years now and my friend Henry (a retired electrician) has offered to fix them for me several times but I've been putting it off and putting it off and, as a result, I've taken more than one shower in the dark.

I finally called Henry last night and he came over this morning and BADA BING, they're fixed. I'm going to turn the lights on and off all day today just because I can.

My dad also put in the moulding along the bathroom floor so now, nearly three years after I pulled the original moulding off in a fit of "THIS IS UGLY GET IT OUT OF HERE," and what I'd classify as EPIC procrastination on my part, I have bathroom moulding.

And in approximately 21 hours, movers will be here to move me out of this apartment with the FINALLY FINISHED bathroom that someone else will get to enjoy.

Ahhh, timing.

Intuition

It's a milestone day, Internet.

I went for my last run across the Golden Gate Bridge as a San Francisco resident. PLUS, instead of turning around at the Marin County line (the second tower) like I usually do, I decided to shoot for the end of the bridge itself (only an extra half mile, but this marks my longest run ever) and VICTORY WAS MINE! I am really proud of myself, particularly since when I first started running I couldn't even run half of a lap at the track.

Then something unsettling happened.

But first, the demographics of the GGB in the 7AM/8AM hours are as follows:

The first half mile or so of the bridge (starting from the SF side) has the tourists who are moseying out to look and take pictures. There aren't too many that early in the morning, but they're always there. The middle of the bridge is empty except for the runners and MAYBE a few hearty tourists. The Marin end of the bridge usually has a few folks doing the half mile out mosey from the other side.

So on my outbound run this morning I saw a lady somewhere near the middle, totally out of mosey territory, walking at a leisurely pace. I noticed her because she was that far out on the bridge but didn't appear to have a camera with her, which I think is like a required accessory for the non-exercisers. I wondered what she was doing, but I didn't think too much of it. I assumed she was being alone with her thoughts or something.

I finished my run across and started walking back and I had just passed the Marin tower when I crossed paths with her again. This time I was able to see her face and she looked sad. Not really even just sad, but really upset and in pain. She wasn't crying or anything, but the look on her face really affected me and I walked a few more feet thinking that I should go back and ask her if she was okay.

Noooo, don't be silly. Maybe she's just cold and her face looks like that because it's cold and windy. Mind your own business, Elizabeth.

So I continued walking and thinking about her for a couple of minutes but I couldn't shake the feeling that I should turn around and go back to her. I stopped walking and stood there for a second, trying to decide what I should do.

Go about my business?

Or backtrack to go ask that stranger if she was okay?

I wasn't even thinking about it in a "she might jump" kind of way...it really was just out of concern and I thought maybe it might make her feel better to know that I cared. (Old age has turned me soft.)

I decided that even though it was totally out of character for me, I would turn around to at least just walk in her direction and then re-evaluate when I got closer.

BUT THEN!

When I stopped to think about what I should do I noticed two police cars pass (which is unusual) but I didn't put two and two together until I turned around to go back and saw that they had stopped next to the lady and a police officer was putting his arm around her.

I'm telling you, Internet, I just about burst into tears right then and there. My intuition had been SCREAMING at me to TURN AROUND AND GO MAKE SURE THAT LADY IS OKAY but I was too busy trying to talk myself out of it to listen and seeing the police with the lady made me realize that my intuition was 100% right on the money.

I don't know what happened to tip the police off, but a few minutes later two CHP and two bridge patrol cars passed with their lights on, which seems like A LOT of police coverage for one potentially suicidal lady, but I was relieved to know that I wasn't wrong -- something was definitely going on with her and that someone was there to keep her from doing it.

Where there's a will, there's a way and all, but NOT ON MY WATCH.

That said, I:

1. Feel like an asshole for being grateful that I didn't have to get involved.

2. Feel like an asshole because I'm a little bit annoyed that my last GGB run / longest run ever has been overshadowed.

Things

Awesome Things:

1. Creamy Wild Rice and Mushroom Soup from the latest issue of Rachael Ray Magazine. I hate to use this word because RR is way over the top with it (and most of her stupid made up words), but it really is more of a stoup than a soup:



The recipe serves six, but I used the WW recipe calculator to figure out the points if I doubled the serving size and omitted the oil and used whole milk instead of heavy cream and a HUGE serving is only 8 WW points. Like, it was SO BIG that I could have eaten half of it and been perfectly happy. Another tip: The box of rice I bought had a seasoning packet in it so I threw it into the soup too and it was all very tasty. Next time I make this I'll use the seasoning packet again, but I'd omit the salt in the recipe.

2. Sean Penn's Into the Wild. I don't know how it ended up on my Netflix list, but I sat down to watch it yesterday and maaaaaaaaaan...it was the best movie I've seen in a while. I don't want to ruin it for anyone who's gonna RUSH OUT at my suggestion and see it, but I totally get why Chris McCandless would go out there. Even *I*, the Queen of All Things Clean and Organized, sometimes wonder why I allow society, the law, other people, whatever to tell me what I can and can not do. I am a human being and I am part of nature. But then I remember that I *like* society and order and that I am not a caveman.

But maybe in my next life, I dunno.

Things that are Tasty but Require too Much Effort:

1. The Pioneer Woman's cinnamon rolls. The rolling process was way oozier than depicted on TPW's website and the mess was UNLIKE NO OTHER, what with all that sugar and melted butter all over my counters, but ultimately, the cinnamon rolls are good. Are they mind blowingly amazing? Maybe, if you like cinnamon rolls, but since I'm not a HUGE fan, they were just okay. Definitely not worth the time or the mess unless you know someone who REALLY likes homemade cinnamon rolls.

And also? One of my least favorite scents EVER IN THE WORLD? Maple. Like if I eat pancakes I have to wash the dishes IMMEDIATLEY because I can't stand the smell of old syrup...so when I came home from boot camp this morning and opened the door and was hit with a wall of maple funk from the glaze, I choked.

Things that, Initially, are NOT Awesome, but that Turn Out Okay:

1. Sitting in HORRENDOUS San Francisco traffic for 90 minutes, all to go three miles to my old boss's house for a mini cocktail party. He lives right in the middle of all the onramps to the Bay Bridge and there was a five car pile up on the bridge last night so OH DEAR GOD it was horrible. I would have just bailed and gone home except that A) I was trapped and B) I was 50% of the guests. I ended up being super late, but it was nice to see them so I'm glad I hung in there.

1a. I accidentally got on the bridge when I left his apartment and I didn't want to drive ALL THE WAY to Oakland only to have to cough up $4 for the toll and drive back, but once you're on a one-way street leading to the bridge and only the bridge, you're kinda stuck. Luckily, I used my awesome brain power to remember that I could get off on Treasure Island and turn around for free, so I did, but I wish I had someone with me because BOY HOWDY the view of SF from TI at night was awesome. It's the same view as from the other side of the bridge, I suppose, but closer. Plus, all the buildings still have their Christmas lights up so it was really beautiful.

2. Getting up before dawn, talking yourself into going to boot camp and driving out to Kezar Stadium, only to find yourself there, standing in the 45 degree fog with five other women, only to get stood up by the coach. But really, just getting out there is half the battle so one chick left, but the rest of us ran around the track, did some dips and pushups and abs and BADA BING -- I earned myself a workout sticker for my calendar.

Things I am Doing Today:

1. Driving down to The Jo with Carrie so she can get her hairs did while I run errands and then we're meeting up with Christa and Kaki for the annual drive through Vasona's Festival of Lights. It's an old-timey tradition that we're keeping up with even though none of us actually live anywhere near Vasona anymore.

2. Eating more of that soup.

My, you're looking very obese these days.

Earlier this year, when discussing our resolutions for 2008, a friend of mine said that one of her goals was to be overweight. Well that's a twist, right? Someone who actually wants to be overweight? Yes, because according to the charts (and you can keep all your BLAH BLAH BLAH'ing about BMI charts and what bullshit they are to yourself because I KNOW, but it's not a mystery that I'm fat and I don't use them to measure my value as a human being or anything so RELAX) she was currently obese and she decided that she'd shoot for overweight.

YAY, OVERWEIGHT!

Me: Hello, Anonymous Friend! Myyyyyy, you're looking overweight today!

Anon Friend: Awl, thanks Elizabeth...that's the nicest thing I've heard all day!

So if her goal was to be overweight, then my goal would be to achieve obesity. Huh? Now listen little children, I'm not going to get cut out of my house anytime soon (have you SEEN those shoes on TLC? Like the guy who sneaks Chinese delivery through his bedroom window with a pulley system??), but according to the charts (BLAH BLAH BLAH), I am morbidly obese. So my goal: ACHIEVE OBESITY! WOO HOO!

(Incidentally, I was recently pleased to discover that I weigh less than Yao Ming, but of course, he's a foot and a half taller than I am. At 32 (!) a growth spurt is unlikely, but YOU NEVER KNOW!)

So all of that is just a lead up to the fact that this morning at boot camp I shaved 21 seconds off my timed mile. I'm not a big "let's gather around and cheer each other on" kind of boot camper but I couldn't help but exclaim that OMG THAT'S 20 SECONDS FASTER THAN MY BEST! and I was kind of caught off guard by the OMG THAT'S AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!! response from the crowd.

Damn those girls for getting me choked up before 6AM.

But anyway, I'm proud of myself. Really ladies, it's the best $210 I spend each month and I really hope that getting a job doesn't mean I can't keep going, particularly since employment will mean that I can actually afford to go and won't need to keep financing it through the Bank of Mom & Dad. I haven't lost much weight, and on a good day I can squeeze into a smaller size jeans, and I really wish I had lost a lot more weight, but the fitness test results are the inarguable proof that I'm doing something good for myself.

At the beginning of my first session I could do the following:

8 girl push-ups in one minute
10 second wall-sit (where you lean against a wall and pretend like you're sitting in a chair)
10 second modified plank (on the knees & forearms)

And I couldn't even run a whole mile at the beginning. I did a run/walk that clocked in around 15 minutes and at the end of the first session I could run a whole mile in 14:30. I know this is a snail's pace (and sometimes when I go to the track there are walkers who are lapping me) but I'm proud of it anyway.

This morning's results:

23 girl push-ups in one minute (my goal is to graduate to non-pussy push-ups)
90 second wall-sit
35-ish second (I can't remember exactly) REGULAR plank
14:09 mile...still a snail's pace, but the 13's are within reach!!

All of this is awesome and it makes me feel happy and strong (except I'm kiiiiinda bent that I couldn't hold out a few more seconds on the plank because as soon as I dropped, two others dropped right after me and if I had KNOWN they were waiting for ME, I would have been waiting for THEM and a sweaty, quivering plank-off would have ensued). Still morbidly obese, but also happy and strong. Of course, it isn't without a whole new crop of problems that I didn't have when I was alternating couch-sitting with a few weekly step classes or bouts with the elliptical machine. Like HELLO, RIGHT KNEE! I never knew I had knee problems before, but good gawwwd it's a bitch. Plus, I have overall aches and pains (and not in that good aching muscle kind of way) and I feel like an old lady sometimes, but USE IT OR LOSE IT, ELIZABETH!

I'm even kind of thinking that perhaps boot camp is the cause of my recent hermit lifestyle. See, wearing heels has become somewhat uncomfortable but I'm going to hang on TOOTH AND NAIL because once I give up on heels it'll be a slippery slope to crocs and SO HELP ME GOD I'd rather die. D-I-E. Dead.

So boot camp = bad knees = sensible shoes = I'd rather just stay home.

That said, boot camp also = me kicking your ass in ways I never thought possible.