Things

Oh me oh my, I've been a baaaad blogger. I thought "Oh hey, it's only been a week, whatever" and then I looked at the calendar and realized that OH DEAR it's been nearly TWO weeks.

Here's what I have to say today:

1. I ran for 45 minutes IN A ROW yesterday. It was only a few months ago that I would shoot to run a mile and then walk a mile and then one day I decided to see if I could push through and just keep running and OMG I COULD! I remember someone saying that once you get past the first 20 minutes it's easy to just run on auto-pilot and I remember thinking that PSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHH I CAN'T RUN FOR 20 MINUTES!!!

Except now I can and HE WAS RIGHT! 20 minutes turned into 40 minutes in the blink of an eye and then I figured well shoot, let's just go around the block again just so I can hit 45 and POOF! I was at 45.

2. I've also been going to kickboxing classes taught by a former Power Ranger (for reals) and he's this tiny little thing who flies through the air like a gnat in track pants. There's this move we had to do that involved squatting so your thighs were parallel to the ground (I challenge you to do this, Internet...it's crazy hard) and then SWISH SWASH, doing a 180 turn and landing in a squat again.

When they started doing this insane maneuver I took the opportunity to get some water and "dab" the sweat that was pouring off my face but then I figured OH WHAT THE HELL and gave it a shot and I CAN DO THAT TOO! Not for the 60 seconds of insanity that Le Petit Power Ranger would have preferred, but HOT DAMN.

I got home and showed my parents and can report the following:

A. My dad thinks he can do it too. But only once.

B. My mom, who I'm sure thinks that my "running" is really code for "walking briskly," was shocked at my moves.

I've been thinking lately that my ability to push through pain + my newfound ability to kick my own ass = Maybe there's an athlete under there somewhere??

3. My nephew continues to be wonderful.







4. I went out for dinner with a couple of lady friends and we ordered the big, giant mondo combination meat & cheese carving board and it was LARGE:



We did some significant damage and then each ate about two bites of our entrees before we reached maximum capacity:



I'm hungry right now though so I'm looking at that after shot and wishing I had that leftover cheese and meat to shove in my face. Poor cheese. I hope it doens't think we didn't love it.

5. This is what I look like when I'm waiting for prospective renters to come look at my apartment and decide that in the absence of chairs, ohhhh, draping myself over the bar will be comfortable:



My hair looks like an eskimo hat and my face looks OLD and HAGGARD so hey, why not share it with the internet?

Also, I would note that being folded over the counter is a difficult position to un-do. My dismount was not comfortable.

6. I don't know why they sell these:



7. And now that I've burned your eyes with those last two images, I'll leave you with the cutest dress ever that, I'm sad to report, bags out like crazy after sitting on a bar stool for a few hours:

My dad flew around the bay and boy are his arms tired.

Before I get to the B-17 BONANZA, I want to just get this off my chest:

Ben & Sarah are on vacation right now and I feel all full of angst that they're not safe and sound at home. It occurred to me that *I'M* usually the one off on the adventure...I'm not used to being the one at home, worrying about the ones who are away.

So, sorry for flying here and there and not really ever considering anyone's concern for my well-being.

Also -- I was telling my mom that I checked their flight from NYC to Dublin to make sure it would arrive in time for them to make their connection to Madrid and seeing right there on my computer screen that Ben and Sarah were flying in the air RIGHT THAT MOMENT was unnerving. I mean, duh, I know that when people go places they fly in airplanes and that airplanes go up in the sky and...uh...FLY, but it's usually something people are going to do or have just finished doing. I'd rather not think about my loved ones hurtling through the air. Over an ocean.

But speaking of flying, this oldfangled airplane was in town for a couple of days and we heard that my dad really wanted to take a flight on it so we bought him a ride as an early Father's Day present. My mom and I spent our Saturday morning on the tarmac, taking 75,000 videos of us talking to each other. I'm having trouble embedding the videos, but really, they're not exciting...just me and my annoying voice that I'm sorry everyone I know has to listen to.

But here's the plane:

Speaking of how strange it is for the world wide internet to tell me that my brother is IN THE AIR RIGHT THIS MINUTE, here's a picture of a plane FLYING IN THE AIR with my father ON IT. In the air. Flying. Dangerously.

From his perspective:

A beautiful day for an airplane ride, no?

He lovvved it and I'm happy my mom and I could be there to watch.

Fun Fact:

Dave (the dog) licks his lips all night long and it jamaicas me crazy.

Solution:

Sleep with the ear plugs my dad gave me for the B-17 thing.

He's spending the night with my parents tonight and I am SO EXCITED to get an uninterrupted night's sleep because I love him, I reallllly do, but I don't know how anyone manages to share a bed with him.

This is probably another reason not to have children.

3D Technology

This post in one of the blogs I read is about the different 3D glasses necessary for different applications and I was reminded of a similar conversation my family had during the Superbowl -- half of us with our superbowl-related 3D glasses on while the other half waited for their turn (another reason Tivo is awesome). My dad commented that someone should sell non-throw-away 3D glasses because, I guess, you never know when a 3D viewing opportunity will arise.

Well Dad, we are clearly 3D novices because my suggestion that you go out and make your millions on non-throw-away 3D glasses was a bad one -- I had no idea there was more than one color combo for 3D glasses...but now, thanks to the magic of the internet, I know we'll never be millionaires.

Because of our non-throw-away 3D glasses business, anyway.

But anyway, this gives me reason enough to tell another 3D glasses realted story from the Superbowl:

Toward the end of the second quarter my brother Andrew jumped up and ran out to his car and returned with a page of punch-out 3D glasses and frantically started trying to separate them in time for the half-time 3D commerical bonanza. He sucked at this, by the way, but I think it's because he didn't grow up punching paper dolls and alllllllll of their clothing (with alllllllllllllllllllllllllll those little holder-onner-tabs on them) out of paper doll books. His Star Wars toys came pre-clothed, and all.

(But OMG I had this one paper doll who had a magnet in her torso and the clothes just stuck to her and I LOVED her even though her fringed denim catsuits and long, floral, hippie dresses weren't as stylish as my Barbie paper doll clothes. Even her hair was out of date -- Barbie had her BIG! GIANT! BLONDE! HAIR! and this doll's hair was long and brown and straight and parted down the middle...but maaaan, that's one thing from my childhood that I wish I'd kept.)

So after 75 hours, he handed the first pair of glasses over to my mom who commented that the left side said LEFT and the right side said RIGHT and I was like "Uhhh...I'd think the ear straps would be the main indicators that I had them on right, DUH."

OR SO YOU'D THINK, anyway.

Because once the 3D commercial came on my mom said that it didn't look very 3D to her and it took her several seconds to realize HER GLASSES WERE ON BACKWARDS.

And then when we handed off the glasses and rewound the commercials for others to see and my brother did the same damn thing.

I'm sure it's just that the ear straps got folded the wrong way, but it cracks me up to think of my mom wearing 3D glasses in the first place, so my mom wearing backwards 3D glasses is AWESOME.

Miscellaneous Update

1. My carpool posse (I think I forgot to report here that we've been joined by a third person) and I were driving home last night and a Tori Amos song came on and we were discussing which album it was from (and I'm horrified that I actually have any knowledge in this category) and I remembered that OMG! One of the magical things my phone can do that I don't even bother trying to understand is that it will tell me what song is playing! So I busted it out and proved myself wrong -- it was not from Tori's Little Earthquakes album.

The boys were FASCINATED with the magic of it all and they spent like 30 minutes discussing how it worked and asking me to tag new songs. It must be listening to lyrics. No, because the sample it took from that last song was before the words started. It must be picking up a radio feed from the radio station. No, because it worked when I tagged a song I heard on Jon Stewart last night.

They just couldn't accept that it was MAGIC.

Those of you on Danielle's latest CD exchange can thank the magic for helping me identify two songs that I'm listening to on HEAVY rotation and that will also be included on my contribution.

2. I'm wearing white pants today and I'm really unsure as to whether or not I am seasonally appropriate. I'm wearing them with a brown v-neck sweater, animal print heels and gold accessories, but I'm concerned I look like I don't know that it's autumn. What Would Clinton Kelly Say? WWCKS? I wouldn't dare wear them except that I bought them in late September and they weren't even a clearance item. FASHUNS ARE TRICKY BUSINESS!

3. If I still worked at PG&E today would be a holiday. Bah. On the upside, traffic, or the lack of traffic I guess, was fantastic this morning.

4. Tiger needs your good thoughts:



Carrie's checkbook does too. Yikes.

5. My parents ILLEGALLY smuggled apples from Sarah's dad's farm in Iowa back to California and now my dad is going to try to grow the seeds out here. I think it's kind of awesome for reasons I can't really define, but here's a blurry picture of the ILLEGAL apples:



And for the record, my mom said that the agricultural checkpoint guy didn't even ask them if they had any fruit with them, so she didn't LIE, but I'm sure that if I think hard enough, I can come up with an example of how I got in trouble as a kid for non-disclosure. HOW CONVENIENT FOR YOU NOW, MOM! Heh.

6. My friend Carey said that her #1 favorite sandwich of all time was peanut butter, mayonnaise and Lawry's seasoned salt. This isn't the first time I've heard freaky reports of the deliciousness of peanut butter and mayo, but SEASONED SALT? So I waited until I had some bread and then I busted out all the ingredients and gave it a shot:



I only made a small piece and I probably should have used two sides of bread because the salt on my teeth was kinda ick, but all in all, it wasn't half bad:



She said I should try it with a tomato too, but I think the above research was sufficient. I get why, if you grew up with it, someone might love it, but I don't think I'll be getting into the habit.

7. I cooked something! Pancetta, French Lentil & Spinach Risotto, specifically. It was pretty good, but it was better as leftovers (and after I added more salt).

Cooking the pancetta:



The onions, shallots, garlic & leeks:



It smelled fantastic:



I love risotto but all the standing around and being patient and stirring KILLS me:



But in the end it was delicious and Weight Watcher friendly:

Happy Burthday in the Middle.

I knew he'd get a kick out of it so I sent my dad that picture of the ("Olynpics") cake from Cake Wrecks and HOT SPIT if he didn't present this cake to me for my birthday yesterday:



I burst out laughing and the cake nearly landed in my mom's lap, but hahahaha! It was on purpose, of course, but BEST BIRTHDAY CAKE EVER!

And FYI cake snobs, my dad and I are like the only two people in the world who think Safeway birthday cake is the only way to go. Fancy schmancy cakes with whipped cream and ganache and bittersweet chocolate shavings?

HELL TO THE NO.

And incidentally, I clicked over to Cake Wrecks to get the link and found something you all really need to look at.

Happy Birthday Over the Top

In the past 90 minutes I've seen three separate links to a blog called Cake Wrecks. How did the whole world know about this site before me? Not that I'm a trendsetter or anything, but I like cake and I like stupid, so the fact that the entire internet got there before I did is an indicator that I need to take my head out of the sand.

So anyway, Cake Wrecks. I love all the creepy baby butts and the slutty pregnant woman cakes and the quotation mark disasters, but here's the one that inspired me to share:



Number one, it's the most boring cake in the universe and whoever decorated it probably has the pizazz of a stale marshmallow. Number two, it's actually very reminiscent of a cake my dad ordered four score and seventy-nine years ago. Or, more specifically, back when I was a kid. The olden days.

My dad, a former Marine (except once a Marine, always a Marine and all...SEMPER FI!), likes to celebrate the Marine Corps birthday with his Marine buddies and this particular year he went down to the local bakery and ordered a birthday cake with the Marine Corps emblem (which he also had tattooed on one of his teeth) and Happy Birthday written over the top. When he went to pick it up he balked because it wasn't quite what he expected.

What was wrong with it?

It actually said "Happy Birthday Over the Top."

I don't know how old I was at the time -- no more than ten or eleven (NOTE: I shouldn't talk smack about dumbasses because I totally just typed "ten or 11") -- but even then I knew that this was STUPID. I wish I had a picture to share but that was in the olden days before my dad (or really anyone else for that matter) had a digital camera to capture the magic, so you'll have to use your imagination.

Double Bonus: The bakery lady thought the Marine Corps emblem was a team logo or something. This is more forgivable though because I think the only reason I know what the Marine Corps emblem looks like is because A) I was the only five-year-old on the block who knew the lyrics to the Marine Corps Hymn and B) my dad DID have it tattooed on his tooth and all. For reals.

But FYI: