Things

Oh me oh my, I've been a baaaad blogger. I thought "Oh hey, it's only been a week, whatever" and then I looked at the calendar and realized that OH DEAR it's been nearly TWO weeks.

Here's what I have to say today:

1. I ran for 45 minutes IN A ROW yesterday. It was only a few months ago that I would shoot to run a mile and then walk a mile and then one day I decided to see if I could push through and just keep running and OMG I COULD! I remember someone saying that once you get past the first 20 minutes it's easy to just run on auto-pilot and I remember thinking that PSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHH I CAN'T RUN FOR 20 MINUTES!!!

Except now I can and HE WAS RIGHT! 20 minutes turned into 40 minutes in the blink of an eye and then I figured well shoot, let's just go around the block again just so I can hit 45 and POOF! I was at 45.

2. I've also been going to kickboxing classes taught by a former Power Ranger (for reals) and he's this tiny little thing who flies through the air like a gnat in track pants. There's this move we had to do that involved squatting so your thighs were parallel to the ground (I challenge you to do this, Internet...it's crazy hard) and then SWISH SWASH, doing a 180 turn and landing in a squat again.

When they started doing this insane maneuver I took the opportunity to get some water and "dab" the sweat that was pouring off my face but then I figured OH WHAT THE HELL and gave it a shot and I CAN DO THAT TOO! Not for the 60 seconds of insanity that Le Petit Power Ranger would have preferred, but HOT DAMN.

I got home and showed my parents and can report the following:

A. My dad thinks he can do it too. But only once.

B. My mom, who I'm sure thinks that my "running" is really code for "walking briskly," was shocked at my moves.

I've been thinking lately that my ability to push through pain + my newfound ability to kick my own ass = Maybe there's an athlete under there somewhere??

3. My nephew continues to be wonderful.







4. I went out for dinner with a couple of lady friends and we ordered the big, giant mondo combination meat & cheese carving board and it was LARGE:



We did some significant damage and then each ate about two bites of our entrees before we reached maximum capacity:



I'm hungry right now though so I'm looking at that after shot and wishing I had that leftover cheese and meat to shove in my face. Poor cheese. I hope it doens't think we didn't love it.

5. This is what I look like when I'm waiting for prospective renters to come look at my apartment and decide that in the absence of chairs, ohhhh, draping myself over the bar will be comfortable:



My hair looks like an eskimo hat and my face looks OLD and HAGGARD so hey, why not share it with the internet?

Also, I would note that being folded over the counter is a difficult position to un-do. My dismount was not comfortable.

6. I don't know why they sell these:



7. And now that I've burned your eyes with those last two images, I'll leave you with the cutest dress ever that, I'm sad to report, bags out like crazy after sitting on a bar stool for a few hours:

Miscellaneous Update

1. My carpool posse (I think I forgot to report here that we've been joined by a third person) and I were driving home last night and a Tori Amos song came on and we were discussing which album it was from (and I'm horrified that I actually have any knowledge in this category) and I remembered that OMG! One of the magical things my phone can do that I don't even bother trying to understand is that it will tell me what song is playing! So I busted it out and proved myself wrong -- it was not from Tori's Little Earthquakes album.

The boys were FASCINATED with the magic of it all and they spent like 30 minutes discussing how it worked and asking me to tag new songs. It must be listening to lyrics. No, because the sample it took from that last song was before the words started. It must be picking up a radio feed from the radio station. No, because it worked when I tagged a song I heard on Jon Stewart last night.

They just couldn't accept that it was MAGIC.

Those of you on Danielle's latest CD exchange can thank the magic for helping me identify two songs that I'm listening to on HEAVY rotation and that will also be included on my contribution.

2. I'm wearing white pants today and I'm really unsure as to whether or not I am seasonally appropriate. I'm wearing them with a brown v-neck sweater, animal print heels and gold accessories, but I'm concerned I look like I don't know that it's autumn. What Would Clinton Kelly Say? WWCKS? I wouldn't dare wear them except that I bought them in late September and they weren't even a clearance item. FASHUNS ARE TRICKY BUSINESS!

3. If I still worked at PG&E today would be a holiday. Bah. On the upside, traffic, or the lack of traffic I guess, was fantastic this morning.

4. Tiger needs your good thoughts:



Carrie's checkbook does too. Yikes.

5. My parents ILLEGALLY smuggled apples from Sarah's dad's farm in Iowa back to California and now my dad is going to try to grow the seeds out here. I think it's kind of awesome for reasons I can't really define, but here's a blurry picture of the ILLEGAL apples:



And for the record, my mom said that the agricultural checkpoint guy didn't even ask them if they had any fruit with them, so she didn't LIE, but I'm sure that if I think hard enough, I can come up with an example of how I got in trouble as a kid for non-disclosure. HOW CONVENIENT FOR YOU NOW, MOM! Heh.

6. My friend Carey said that her #1 favorite sandwich of all time was peanut butter, mayonnaise and Lawry's seasoned salt. This isn't the first time I've heard freaky reports of the deliciousness of peanut butter and mayo, but SEASONED SALT? So I waited until I had some bread and then I busted out all the ingredients and gave it a shot:



I only made a small piece and I probably should have used two sides of bread because the salt on my teeth was kinda ick, but all in all, it wasn't half bad:



She said I should try it with a tomato too, but I think the above research was sufficient. I get why, if you grew up with it, someone might love it, but I don't think I'll be getting into the habit.

7. I cooked something! Pancetta, French Lentil & Spinach Risotto, specifically. It was pretty good, but it was better as leftovers (and after I added more salt).

Cooking the pancetta:



The onions, shallots, garlic & leeks:



It smelled fantastic:



I love risotto but all the standing around and being patient and stirring KILLS me:



But in the end it was delicious and Weight Watcher friendly:

EH + CK 4 -->

OMG I'M SO BEHIND on my trip recap but whatever...I'll get to that eventually...THIS is the big news of the day:



It's Clinton Kelly! He was in town promoting his new book so Carrie and I shoved into a tiny bookstore with like 100 other women but it was totally worth it.

This one guy stopped to ask me who the heck we were all waiting to see and when I told him that OMG IT'S CLINTON KELLY he had nooooooooooooo idea who he was and was surprised that women care what a man thinks about fashion. I was like DUH, if it's a GAY man, then hell yeah I care...but if we're talking about, say, my brother, then I'm less interested in the style advice.

(And not that my brothers don't look sharp, because they do [EXCEPT FOR THOSE SHOES I HATE, ANDREW!!!!!!!], but I don't think they have much of an opinion when it comes to women's clothing.)

Bridesmaid dresses, revisited.

Okay so the rest of my road trip updates are coming, but first let's jump in my bridesmaid dress time machine! I was house-sitting for my parents while they drove back from Iowa with a bunch of Sarah's stuff (because when she left Iowa just over a year ago she didn't expect to immediately meet my brother and end up moving to California permanently) and the wedding presents so I decided to dig up all my old bridesmaid dresses to see if they still fit. AND THANK THE SWEET BABY JEEZUS, THEY DID! Well, mostly. So here you go, Internet...a trip down memory lane (and just so you know, most of these pictures were taken in my parents' basement...we do not live in clutter-filled squalor, I assure you):

The first wedding I was in was in 1997, I was 20 years old, I didn't think anyone would ever, ever, EVER ask me to be in a wedding and I was SO EXCITED when my friend Stacey asked me. We went to West Valley College together and we were friends for sure, but were we bridesmaid-worthy friends? Not so much. In fact, she moved to Colorado like two days after the wedding and I haven't seen or spoken to her since. BFFs 4 --> ? Yeah. We still exchange Christmas cards though. But anyway, I wanted to be in a wedding and she asked so I said yes.

We went to order the dresses (and I'm just now realizing that I know she had three or four bridesmaids but I have NO memory of who they were) and it was your standard polyester, floor-length bridesmaid dress. The sample and the one in the picture were kind of an eggplant or plum color so when she said they'd be "amethyst" I thought that meant "purple" or at least the same color as the one we'd seen.

No.

Turns out, "amethyst" is code for "Barney purple." Like, STRAIGHT UP Barney Purple.

Exhibit A:



Exhibit B:



Except DAMN IT, the picture of the dress is looking much more regular purple than it actually is. It's Barney purple, I swear.

It would be less linebackery if I had someone to secure the shoulder thing in back, but you get the gist of it. And HOLY CRAP LOOK AT THE SHOES:



WHAT THE HECK WAS I THINKING?

I shudder even thinking about those shoes.

Ooh, and look at the strap lines across my ankles in that picture -- that's where the straps from bridesmaid ensemble #4 wore off the spray tan. Ha. But anyway, I think it's safe to say I've made great strides in footwear since 1997.



Dress #2 was worn for my oldest friend Tamara's wedding eight-ish years ago. It zipped when I tried it on but ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, Internet...it wasn't pretty. Like REALLY not pretty. I was bummed about that but then I remembered that it looked like crap on me at the time and I looked like a freaking SAUSAGE in this icy lavender column dress with a chiffon train and butt-bow:



I wore two girdles to suck my shit into that one and since this time I was trying it on with my pajama pants still on, I think it's okay that it looked bad.

Poor Tamara though...we all looked bad in that dress and not because it was a bad dress (I mean, it wasn't an awesome dress, but I get what she was going for) but because nobody had it altered. It magically fit her sister really well but I was the fat and sausagey bridesmaid and her two other bridesmaids were stick-thin and they were swimmmmmmmmmmming in their dresses. Those pictures are fantastic. And by "fantastic" I mean "HORRIFYING." So horrifying, in fact, that even if I had electronic versions of them, I wouldn't share them with you Internet.

OMG AND THE SHOES!!!!!!!!!!



I don't remember them being this horrible and chunky but maaaaaaan. I'd GUFFAW if you suggested I wear those those today.

Dress #3 was for Christa's wedding three years ago:



It was the highest quality dress of them all and despite the complaints that it was unflattering on everyone, I actually think it worked out well. I mean, it's not a dress I'd pick for myself, and it would have been better if it was shorter, but it's a freaking WEDDING and all things considered, this dress was pretty good.

That said, no dress is so good that I don't look stupid when I dance:



Dress #4 was worn a week ago today for my brother's wedding:



This dress had to be custom made for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is because Jessica McClintock is a hater and doesn't make fatty sizes. Despite the dressmaker making me feel like a fat tub-o-lard, it turned out well. It stretched out like crazy though so I was a mess by after-party time, but those pictures have since been BURNED.

BONUS PROM DRESS:

Back in the days of yesteryear I figured that since Lane Bryant didn't offer prom dresses, fatty prom dresses just didn't exist so I recruited my aunt, a former seamstress, to make my dress for me. I was a tenter back then so I picked a design that was big and dumpy and unflattering:



But don't worry, Internet...I didn't wear that to the prom. I tried it on and went OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD and my mother promptly took me to the mall and I ended up with a much more flattering dress that I felt pretty in, even though I wouldn't be caught dead in it today.

Why keep all these bad dresses that I'll never wear again?

It's 100% for size comparisons. Like, even though I'm not feeling like my sassiest these days, dresses I wore at 17, 20, 24 and 29 still zip. That's a victory, yo.

I was having an off day yesterday and instead of going out and painting the town red with the legions of people who invited me out last night (okay, legions = three), I decided to put on my elastic-waisted pants, order delivery, and watch the opening ceremony of the Olympics. I don't think I've ever settled in to watch it before and I'm really glad I did. I mean, yes, watching all these athletes makes me a little bit sad that I was sitting there eating 8,000 calories and really, I have no hope of ever becoming an Olympic athlete, but I can run a mile DAMN IT, and I'm proud of that.

So here are my overall observations:

1. HOLY CRAP THAT CHINA REALLY KNOWS HOW TO PUT ON A SHOW! I mean, GOOD GOD, it sure did look complicated and I can't figure out how ALL THOSE PEOPLE moved in sync. 2008 drummers allllllll moving in the exact same way at the exact same time? I was completely impressed by the drummers but really, the whole show was spectacular and I think that if I was there, it might have made me cry. Or at least given me goosebumps.



I don't know how you did it China, but hot damn, I'm impressed.

2. As a whole, the world's athlete population is very good looking.

3. The commentary during the parade of nations or whatever it is is like the Cliff's Notes of world politics. Like, oh hai, the only woman on Afghanistan's team disappeared before the team left for China. WHERE DID SHE GO? She's believed to be in Europe seeking asylum because of the death threats she received for being a lady athlete. And OH BY THE WAY, China isn't observing the political truce they're supposed to be honoring and they canceled Joey Cheek's visa because of his support for Darfur. And based on their responses when these teams entered the stadium, Chinese people love Iraq and hate Iran and the commentators were surprised that France got such a warm reception.

Politics, let me show you them.

And YOU KNOW I can't get away with a post about the Olympic opening ceremonies without commenting on the fash-uns, so here are the highlights (and forgive my not-even-getting-off-the-couch-to-snap-them camera phone pics...I couldn't find pictures elsewhere, so this is what you get...thank God for Tivo!):

Mali:



I'm kind of inclined to believe that people in Mali probably never wear woolen-looking scarves, particularly when it's 90 degrees with 90% humidity in China, but what do I know? Maybe that's cold for them? Plus, hardly any of the Olympic wardrobe designers seemed concerned with being seasonally appropriate, so it's not like Mali was the only group sweating their butts off.

Nigeria:



These were my favorite ensembles of all. They were crisp and hip-hugging in white with green sashes and they looked sharp against the athletes' skin. Plus, they all looked more animated than some of the other groups of athletes and were dancing and enjoying the moment. GO NIGERIA!

Hungary:



Ohhhhhhhhhhhh, Hungary... I can pretty much just post the picture and leave you to draw your own conclusions, but I will say that when I was a kid we had a Hungarian neighbor and I remember thinking that she was alllllways a big explosion of patterns. Now that I see what Hungary selected for this event, I'm thinking that my Hungarian neighbor was actually just keeping it real, Hungarian style.

And this little kid? I want to pinch him:



Why? Because he was a survivor of the earthquake China suffered in May and he went back into the rubble to save a couple of his classmates. Why did he do that? Because he was one of the class leaders and it was his responsibility.

PINCH PINCH PINCH, I tell you.