Not quite a marathon runner, but getting there...

I keep meaning to write a post about how much my mood has improved over the last couple of months and how, whenever I emerge from a funk, I'm surprised at just how much happier and energetic I am. My funks don't tend to be frequent or blatantly obvious, (this last one was lengthy because of my extended unemployment followed by months of uncertainty when I finally did get a job) but when they're over I want to run down the street in a pretty dress as I say good morning to strangers and exclaim that IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY to anyone who will listen.

So I keep meaning to write that post but it's just not coming out so instead I'll give you an example of the non-funk Elizabeth in action:

I woke up bright and early on Sunday morning and didn't have to work until 9AM so I thought about going to the gym or maybe going up to Crissy Field to test my time running a mile but then I realized that OH! It's only 7AM, which means that it's late enough for the sun to be up but not so late the the Golden Gate Bridge would be overrun with tourists! I'M GONNA GO RUN ACROSS IT!

So I did.

We used to run the bridge at boot camp but then we got a new coach and she wasn't hot on that, so we didn't do it anymore. My previous bridge "runs" have been run/walks that K-I-L-L-E-D me (I've only been able to run a whole mile without stopping since about this time last year and I haven't really worked on increasing my distance) and because I've always been pressed for time, I've aimed for the Marin County line, which is right at the second tower.

I'm pleased as punch to report that I ran the whole way to Marin yesterday morning and really, I could have kept going to complete the whole bridge but I had to get back home in time for my 9AM work thing. I'm not exactly sure how far that was, but the bridge is 1.7 miles and the Marin County line seems to be about 3/4 of the way across. If I'm guessing correctly, this would have been my longest run without stopping ever! I walked back and all, but shoot -- BABY STEPS!

Next time: Run the WHOLE THING!

My morning in pictures, AKA If the Bridge is this Beautiful in Camera Phone Pictures, Imagine How Beautiful it is in Real Life:

Killers, Billy Joel & Cupcakes

Yesterday was kinda blah but today? Whooooo boy...my Tuesday got off to an exciting start. I rolled up to my boot camp location at 5:29AM and saw a police line and a couple of not-the-standard-park-service-police-guy-who-usually-patrols-the-area police cars (one with a dog inside who was going APE SHIT).

The whole picnic area alongside the building was taped off:


Totally un-scenic workout area, don't you think?

BTW, Kristy & Jason -- juuuuust on the other side of that building is where I took you for pictures under the bridge!

That particular neck of the woods is really dark and creepy at night (or early morning) but there's also a steady stream of runners passing through so it's an awesome spot to kill someone, but you'd only have a few minutes to do it. Earlier in our session I thought for sure the plastic bags I saw shining in the moonlight were covering up severed body parts but as it got lighter outside they just looked like piles of junk.

So we don't know what the heck was going on, but there was lots of excitement out there this morning. And even though we don't think anybody was murdered out there last night, they did appear to be searching for someone in the tall grass as I drove in and I was still glad the coach didn't make us run up the mountain (where it's pitch black and you can't see more than a few feet in front of you) and into the hands of the killer. I'm sure our tired asses will be forced up that hill next time though.

In other news:

1. I bought Billy Joel (and Elton John) tickets yesterday! Joanie and I went to see Billy Joel a couple of years ago because it was an item on my life list and maaaaaaaaaan, that guy is one hell of an entertainer. Thank goodness for tax refunds because otherwise I wouldn't have been able to pay for the BAJILLION dollar tickets. Aren't you rich enough, Billy? Elton? Come ON.

2. I attended my "orientation" to house and dog sit for Ben & Sarah while they go on the vacation I planned for them. I'm a full-service travel advisor, I tell you. Travel planning AND house/dog sitting! Except maaaaaaaaaaaybe I forget that hotel rooms in Rome might be stupid expensive if you're there on EASTER SUNDAY. Doi. And maaaaaaaaaaaybe I don't notice that the cheap and easy ways of getting to Sorrento from Naples don't operate during the off-season. OOPS! Enjoy that commuter rail, kids!

2a. While I'm kickin' it at Casa de Slowsky I think I'm gonna entertain myself by trying to make these:

The only problem is that if all is successful, I'll be left with a gang of delicious things that I should not be eating and two of the people I might try to pass them off on will be in Italy.

3. Okay, blah blah blah. Killers, Billy Joel & cupcakes. I have work to do.

Picture Post!

I just uploaded the pictures off my camera so here ya go:

1. This was one of my Christmas presents and it was SO not like my mom to do this, so I loved it:



It was a box with 20 or so pictures of boots that had been cut out of the newspaper (who knew there were so many boots to be found in the paper??) and underneath them all:



was a check for boot camp.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwl, thanks Mom.

2. Today's lunch making process.

The ingredients:



The simmering:



Getting a chicken soup facial:



The dumplings have been added:



The end result:



It wasn't as totally ASS KICKIN' delicious as the soup I made last week, but this one (from Cooking Light) was definitely worth making again. And next time I'll make sure I have all the ingredients, but FYI, the dumplings come out just fine without the baking powder and the parsley.

Things

Awesome Things:

1. Creamy Wild Rice and Mushroom Soup from the latest issue of Rachael Ray Magazine. I hate to use this word because RR is way over the top with it (and most of her stupid made up words), but it really is more of a stoup than a soup:



The recipe serves six, but I used the WW recipe calculator to figure out the points if I doubled the serving size and omitted the oil and used whole milk instead of heavy cream and a HUGE serving is only 8 WW points. Like, it was SO BIG that I could have eaten half of it and been perfectly happy. Another tip: The box of rice I bought had a seasoning packet in it so I threw it into the soup too and it was all very tasty. Next time I make this I'll use the seasoning packet again, but I'd omit the salt in the recipe.

2. Sean Penn's Into the Wild. I don't know how it ended up on my Netflix list, but I sat down to watch it yesterday and maaaaaaaaaan...it was the best movie I've seen in a while. I don't want to ruin it for anyone who's gonna RUSH OUT at my suggestion and see it, but I totally get why Chris McCandless would go out there. Even *I*, the Queen of All Things Clean and Organized, sometimes wonder why I allow society, the law, other people, whatever to tell me what I can and can not do. I am a human being and I am part of nature. But then I remember that I *like* society and order and that I am not a caveman.

But maybe in my next life, I dunno.

Things that are Tasty but Require too Much Effort:

1. The Pioneer Woman's cinnamon rolls. The rolling process was way oozier than depicted on TPW's website and the mess was UNLIKE NO OTHER, what with all that sugar and melted butter all over my counters, but ultimately, the cinnamon rolls are good. Are they mind blowingly amazing? Maybe, if you like cinnamon rolls, but since I'm not a HUGE fan, they were just okay. Definitely not worth the time or the mess unless you know someone who REALLY likes homemade cinnamon rolls.

And also? One of my least favorite scents EVER IN THE WORLD? Maple. Like if I eat pancakes I have to wash the dishes IMMEDIATLEY because I can't stand the smell of old syrup...so when I came home from boot camp this morning and opened the door and was hit with a wall of maple funk from the glaze, I choked.

Things that, Initially, are NOT Awesome, but that Turn Out Okay:

1. Sitting in HORRENDOUS San Francisco traffic for 90 minutes, all to go three miles to my old boss's house for a mini cocktail party. He lives right in the middle of all the onramps to the Bay Bridge and there was a five car pile up on the bridge last night so OH DEAR GOD it was horrible. I would have just bailed and gone home except that A) I was trapped and B) I was 50% of the guests. I ended up being super late, but it was nice to see them so I'm glad I hung in there.

1a. I accidentally got on the bridge when I left his apartment and I didn't want to drive ALL THE WAY to Oakland only to have to cough up $4 for the toll and drive back, but once you're on a one-way street leading to the bridge and only the bridge, you're kinda stuck. Luckily, I used my awesome brain power to remember that I could get off on Treasure Island and turn around for free, so I did, but I wish I had someone with me because BOY HOWDY the view of SF from TI at night was awesome. It's the same view as from the other side of the bridge, I suppose, but closer. Plus, all the buildings still have their Christmas lights up so it was really beautiful.

2. Getting up before dawn, talking yourself into going to boot camp and driving out to Kezar Stadium, only to find yourself there, standing in the 45 degree fog with five other women, only to get stood up by the coach. But really, just getting out there is half the battle so one chick left, but the rest of us ran around the track, did some dips and pushups and abs and BADA BING -- I earned myself a workout sticker for my calendar.

Things I am Doing Today:

1. Driving down to The Jo with Carrie so she can get her hairs did while I run errands and then we're meeting up with Christa and Kaki for the annual drive through Vasona's Festival of Lights. It's an old-timey tradition that we're keeping up with even though none of us actually live anywhere near Vasona anymore.

2. Eating more of that soup.

Pretending I'm an Olympic marathon runner.

According to Weight Watchers' eTools, morbidly obese exercisers like me earn 10 activity points in a 40 minute step class. This has always seemed high to me, but step class isn't easy, so maybe it's true. On the other hand, I figure I only earn 5 activity points at boot camp, but I feel way more SPENT at boot camp than I do after step class, so I don't really know what's what.

Inspired by watching yesterday's Olympic coverage of the men's marathon, I decided to see how many activity points I could earn by, say, running a marathon. I searched for "running" and found a variety of choices, all specifying mile times. My 14 minute mile was not represented, but as soon as I eek my time down to a 9 minute mile, eTools can help me calculate my efforts. But since I'm an OLYMPIC MARATHON RUNNER in this scenario, I picked the 5.5 minute mile, which is still slower than the winner's pace (GO KENYA!) and entered in 126 minutes of activity (the winner's approximate time) and guess how many points he would get??

Go ahead, guess!

125?

74?

58?

LOWER.

33.

THIRTY-THREE MEASLY POINTS for running 5 miles an hour for over two hours?!?

That's crazy talk.

That's the equivalent of a fat person's WW points for the day (I specify "fat person" because my friend Big D gets something insane like 15 points because she's borderline too skinny for WW but I admire her for taking care of 5 pounds before they turn into 50...and I wish I could rewind back to 2nd grade and get rid of the first five pounds when I had the chance). I don't know how many calories are in 33 points, but I'd guess about 1800, which doesn't seem like enough ESPECIALLY considering the activity point calculator is assuming MY morbidly obese ass is the one running the marathon. I'm sure the 112 pound Kenyan winner would earn less than that.

Anyway. There you have it: My nutritional analysis of Olympic marathon running.

My, you're looking very obese these days.

Earlier this year, when discussing our resolutions for 2008, a friend of mine said that one of her goals was to be overweight. Well that's a twist, right? Someone who actually wants to be overweight? Yes, because according to the charts (and you can keep all your BLAH BLAH BLAH'ing about BMI charts and what bullshit they are to yourself because I KNOW, but it's not a mystery that I'm fat and I don't use them to measure my value as a human being or anything so RELAX) she was currently obese and she decided that she'd shoot for overweight.

YAY, OVERWEIGHT!

Me: Hello, Anonymous Friend! Myyyyyy, you're looking overweight today!

Anon Friend: Awl, thanks Elizabeth...that's the nicest thing I've heard all day!

So if her goal was to be overweight, then my goal would be to achieve obesity. Huh? Now listen little children, I'm not going to get cut out of my house anytime soon (have you SEEN those shoes on TLC? Like the guy who sneaks Chinese delivery through his bedroom window with a pulley system??), but according to the charts (BLAH BLAH BLAH), I am morbidly obese. So my goal: ACHIEVE OBESITY! WOO HOO!

(Incidentally, I was recently pleased to discover that I weigh less than Yao Ming, but of course, he's a foot and a half taller than I am. At 32 (!) a growth spurt is unlikely, but YOU NEVER KNOW!)

So all of that is just a lead up to the fact that this morning at boot camp I shaved 21 seconds off my timed mile. I'm not a big "let's gather around and cheer each other on" kind of boot camper but I couldn't help but exclaim that OMG THAT'S 20 SECONDS FASTER THAN MY BEST! and I was kind of caught off guard by the OMG THAT'S AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!! response from the crowd.

Damn those girls for getting me choked up before 6AM.

But anyway, I'm proud of myself. Really ladies, it's the best $210 I spend each month and I really hope that getting a job doesn't mean I can't keep going, particularly since employment will mean that I can actually afford to go and won't need to keep financing it through the Bank of Mom & Dad. I haven't lost much weight, and on a good day I can squeeze into a smaller size jeans, and I really wish I had lost a lot more weight, but the fitness test results are the inarguable proof that I'm doing something good for myself.

At the beginning of my first session I could do the following:

8 girl push-ups in one minute
10 second wall-sit (where you lean against a wall and pretend like you're sitting in a chair)
10 second modified plank (on the knees & forearms)

And I couldn't even run a whole mile at the beginning. I did a run/walk that clocked in around 15 minutes and at the end of the first session I could run a whole mile in 14:30. I know this is a snail's pace (and sometimes when I go to the track there are walkers who are lapping me) but I'm proud of it anyway.

This morning's results:

23 girl push-ups in one minute (my goal is to graduate to non-pussy push-ups)
90 second wall-sit
35-ish second (I can't remember exactly) REGULAR plank
14:09 mile...still a snail's pace, but the 13's are within reach!!

All of this is awesome and it makes me feel happy and strong (except I'm kiiiiinda bent that I couldn't hold out a few more seconds on the plank because as soon as I dropped, two others dropped right after me and if I had KNOWN they were waiting for ME, I would have been waiting for THEM and a sweaty, quivering plank-off would have ensued). Still morbidly obese, but also happy and strong. Of course, it isn't without a whole new crop of problems that I didn't have when I was alternating couch-sitting with a few weekly step classes or bouts with the elliptical machine. Like HELLO, RIGHT KNEE! I never knew I had knee problems before, but good gawwwd it's a bitch. Plus, I have overall aches and pains (and not in that good aching muscle kind of way) and I feel like an old lady sometimes, but USE IT OR LOSE IT, ELIZABETH!

I'm even kind of thinking that perhaps boot camp is the cause of my recent hermit lifestyle. See, wearing heels has become somewhat uncomfortable but I'm going to hang on TOOTH AND NAIL because once I give up on heels it'll be a slippery slope to crocs and SO HELP ME GOD I'd rather die. D-I-E. Dead.

So boot camp = bad knees = sensible shoes = I'd rather just stay home.

That said, boot camp also = me kicking your ass in ways I never thought possible.