OBESE SAUSAGE BACON BRIDESMAID LOVER: My new favorite YOUR MOM type insult.

There's a direct correlation between my workload at, um, WORK and the frequency with which I blog. Therefore, the sorry state of my blog lately = WHOA, WORK!

I have stuff I need to blog about but I don't just want to be all "OMG CK CAME TO VISIT AND WE ATE HAPPY MEAL PIZZA AND OYSTERS AND WE WERE OVER-SERVED AT THE DRAG QUEEN BAR THE END" so I'm putting all that off for another day.

What I *will* take a moment to share with you is a list of things people were searching for when they found my blog. I don't really care how many hits I get or which IP addresses they came from but HOLY HECK the search referral tool is a kick in the pants.

There are three main themes:

1. People searching for something along the lines of "elizabeth loves bacon blog," which I assume is people who have neglected to bookmark or add me to their blog readers, but who are still DYING to catch up on the blah blah blah.

Thank you searchers, I'm genuinely flattered, but these benign searches aren't making me do any double takes.

2. People searching for bridesmaid dresses for fatties. And paraplegics. For example:

dresses for obese bridesmaids

obese bridesmaid dresses

paraplegic bridesmaid

bridesmaid dresses for fat arms

It's kinda surprising how often the word obese is mentioned.

But then there's also the opposite:

stick thin bridesmaid

I don't think that person found what s/he was looking for, but they were probably treated to a bridesmaid fashion show anyway. The paraplegic searcher was likely disappointed to see that really I was just making fun of a stupid country song.

3. People searching for answers to an assortment of eye booger questions:

avoid annoying eye boogers

eye booger in baby eye

picture of baby eye boogers

Little did I know my post about breaking up with my carpool guy because he put his eye boogers in my tea would lead to so much eye booger traffic!! I don't know anything about BABY eye boogers though.

BUT THEN there are the uncategorized searches:

battleaxe couples cell phone strap

stupid maryland crab tattoo

obese sausage bacon bridesmaid lover

Who the heck knows where those came from but:

A) This sounds like it has the possibility of being dirty. Kinda like when my dad went eBaying for "leather straps."

B) I'd agree that Maryland crab tattoos are probably stupid.

C) WHAT'S IT TO YA?