Why so srs?

It's no surprise that I've been thinking about moving back to San Jose. There are two big draws:

1. BABY! He doesn't currrrrrently live in San Jose, but Grandma and Grandpa live in San Jose and they have a lot of pull when it comes to getting quality baby time, so the closer I am to them, the closer I can be to him.

2. I work in San Jose and the commute is a bitch. An expensive, expensive bitch. Plus, driving 100 miles a day, five days a week means that I've put 18,000 miles on my new car and it's only nine months old.

Of course, I own my apartment in San Francisco, this isn't a good time to sell and even if I could sell and make money on it, I'm afraid to sell it because I'd never get another mortgage, what with the whole "no longer giving mortgages to people who can't afford them" thing.

So there's that.

But I could rent it out and more than cover my rent in San Jose.

Except that then I sit back and I think about the hole I dug for myself when I was unemployed for the better part of 2008 and how I'm never going to get out of it if I'm still spending all this money every month trying to keep living in San Francisco and working in San Jose.

And then the delicate balance of my current situation is only something I can maintain, however painfully, if I continue to have a job. THIS job, specifically. Or, not THIS job, but a job in this salary range which, I'm afraid, I might be underqualified to find again if I had to.

I am ONE MILLION PERCENT lucky that my parents have been as supportive as they have and that, if I wanted to, I could stay in San Francisco and just hope for the best and if all else fails, I know they'd have my back. My too-old-for-Mommy-and-Daddy's-help back, but they'd have it nonetheless.

But then I wonder if maybe my newly heightened fear of losing my job is a warning sign and that I should take this opportunity to get my ducks in a row when I don't HAVE to, but when it's still an optional thing. If I don't do it, I'm afraid I'll look back in a year and wish that I could go back to the summer of 2009 and do things differently.

One of my resolutions for 2009 was to move back to San Jose. I was SO OVER San Francisco. But now when I look back on that I know this decision was made when I was coming out of the Great Funk of 2008 and now, several months later, I don't really want to go. All I can think about is how DUMB it is for a single person to move to San Jose ON PURPOSE and how I'll never have delicious brunch EVER AGAIN. I love San Jose and if I ever have a family, I'll want to do it there...but now? Ehhhh.

BUT THEN when I house sat for Ben and Sarah for several days this past spring, I fell back in love with the idea of suburban life. Everything seemed so easy! Look at that! A life free of elevators and parking garages and choosing between open windows or hearing the TV! Luxury!

So I don't know.

Then yesterday my friend Leslie asked me if I was still planning to move because her friend is looking for a place in my neighborhood. I told her that I was waiting for something specific to get me to get up off my ass and do it and I don't know if this exact potential renter will want my place, but it did get me thinking.

Maybe I should rent my place out and move in with my parents for several months so I can pocket the rent and get my shit together and then, as a result, feel better about myself and feel less trapped by my financial neeeeeed to keep climbing the corporate ladder?

I spent about a year with my parents right before I bought my apartment and I really never thought I'd consider it as an option again, but have you noticed? Things are sucky right now. While there is some shame in this option, there would be more shame in losing my job again and having to ask my parents for a mortgage payment.

I'm all for tightening my belt as we alllllll ride out the current economic fiasco but my belt has felt really tight for three years now and it hurrrrrrts. The trade off will be that I'd be 33 and living with MY PARENTS. My parents are great, but maaaaan, I'm sitting here wondering why I thought it was okay to kill time at Bloomingdale's when I was UNEMPLOYED.

But daaaaamn, I looked good.

I looked around my apartment last night and thought about how pretty it is and how much I love it and how, if I moved back in with my parents I'd be living with the ironing board and a strange bamboo curtain that my dad must have found in a dumpster somewhere and decided that he'd not only use it as a closet door in the guest room but, WHY NOT just hang that extra six inches of bamboo curtain on the wall and pretend it's art??!!

I'll be sad to leave my beautiful apartment and my beautiful things for the Tiki/Victorian-themed guest room but when I think about all the money I'll save it makes me want to roll around in $100 bills.

I'm house sitting for Ben and Sarah again this weekend and I'm hoping that I'll get bitten by the suburban bug again and if I do, I'm gonna start packing things up. I'm also hoping that when I finally make the decision to do it, I'll feel the same relief I felt the first time I decided to move back home.

My budget spreadsheet is currently titled "Poor." Maybe one day I can change it to "Okay."

Ohhhhh, the anticipation of the spreadsheet renaming!!!

Still waiting to win the lottery or marry well...

Elizabeth - Thanks for this. Appreciate your follow-up here.

Do Pete and Bob have visibility to this? Want to be sure all is in alignment from a comms perspective.

Thanks much!

This is the kind of e-mail I get all day long that makes me want to reach through my computer and choke the sender.

Visibility
Alignment
Thanks much
Lack of the word "I"

If she had thrown in a "reach out" or "ping" or "engagement model" I for sure would have thrown my computer through the window.

I went to my high school reunion and lived to talk about it.

This is copy pasta from the reunion blog but I wrote it so whatever.

I'm speaking for myself here but:

1. I'll take it a step beyond "less painful than expected" and say that it was actually 100 times better than I'd hoped. The best part is that I don't even think that's just in my own head -- I think the "I really wasn't expecting this to be as great as it was but I am SO GLAD I went!" sentiment is shared by many.

2. Everyone looked REALLY GOOD. Like polished, grown-up versions of their teenage selves.

3. Being in a room with all these familiar faces seemed soooo normal but also soooo surreal.

4. Maybe the people with the funny looking kids skipped the picnic but let me tell you: Lincoln grads make some adorable kids.

5. There was a bachelorette party being held at the same restaurant on Saturday night but we put them to shame. Granted, it looked like the most boring bachelorette party in history, but really, we had a great time.

The bottom line:

I'm glad we didn't have a 5 or 10 year reunion. I'm glad we waited until we all had the easy confidence of being in our thirties and that it was less of a "let me show you how great I'm doing" display and more of a "I'm doing well, I'm happy in my skin, I'm happy to be here and I'm genuinely happy to see you" kind of weekend.

And just for posterity, allow me to remind you of the before:



And the after, thank God:



Go Lions.

And speaking of hot dentists...

Nick Lachey is a dentist??



This one is cute and all but A) he's a pediatric dentist and B) while I don't take my dental care very seriously, I would prefer that my dentist not wear a rabbit hat:



This is half-assed, I know, but I want to close those windows and get on with my work and I couldn't close them without sharing.

Ooh, and I should say that in the rabbit guy's defense, his name is Rabbitz or something...which I guess is way better than a Dr. Johnson wearing a wiener hat.

I take my dental care very seriously.

1. I had this picture of my mom and Baby as my desktop on my work computer for like ten minutes but I had to remove it because I kept stopping what I was doing so I could go back and look at it and then I'd get all teary because HE IS SO WONDERFUL.



2. My 15th high school reunion is on Saturday. Cue the teenage angst flashbacks. At least I've learned the value of eyebrow maintenance since then.

3. I forgot to put on deodorant today. I've never been a stank-master or anything so I'm sure I'll be fine, but I can't help but sneak whiffs JUST IN CASE. Let's all cross our fingers that nobody catches me.

4. I just made plans to go to bottomless mimosa brunch with my friends John and Tony. John was like "I hope I get to read about myself on your blog again" and I was like "Lady, if bottomless mimosas are involved, YOU CAN COUNT ON IT!"

4a. Hiiiiiiiiii, John!

So look for a bottomless mimosa related update sometime after July 19th.

5. I am losing my part time job, which is a bummer because I liked working for the site, but they needed me to be available overnight and for more hours per week that I was comfortable with so we're parting ways at the end of this month. Mama's got a mortgage to pay and I can't monkey around with my ability to meet my day job obligations.

The silver lining is twofold:

A. I am now available for bottomless mimosa brunches.

B. I am now available for almost unlimited baby squeezing.

6. Two facts:

A. I love my dentist.

B. I have crappy insurance and my out-of-pocket for my cleaning/exam will be $110.

This means that until I get a new gig with less-retarded insurance, I have to find a new dentist. This is shocking, especially if you're familiar with how much I love Dr. Dan. I've been seeing him since I was like 19 or 20 so this is a SERIOUS breakup. Sniff, sniff.

This ALSO means that because my teeth are fine and have always been fine and I won't need any serious dental techniques performed on my mouth, I will be selecting my next dentist based on looks.

Hottie dentists of the world, HERE I COME!

Baby

I'm an aunt.

I have a nephew.

I surprised myself with how little I cried when he was born. I thought I'd be a waterworks, for sure. It's only today, Baby's third day of life, that I find myself overwhelmed with love for this little baby and I'm just so grateful that he's here and that he's a part of our family.

I didn't not feel these things before, but it all just seemed so unreal...so fictitious...and now, after spending time alone with Andrew and Laurina and Baby last night and watching Andrew talk to him and take his shirt off in an effort to wake him up enough to eat and looking at his tiny, vulnerable body and not just an adorable little face peeking out from a blanket, I realized how much I love him and how much I want to protect him and how he's the beginning of the next generation and how he is me, 32 years ago.

I don't know how else to put it so I'll just say it again: I'm overwhelmed with love for this little baby and I'm so grateful that he's ours.

Douchebags and Hipsters

I was the lone hipster at an outdoor douchebag convention.

*I* wasn't. Some guy on Craigslist Missed Connections was.

I was at said douchebag convention, but I don't qualify as a hipster for any number of reasons. The Talbots skirt I'm wearing today, for example. You'd think the Talbots skirt (complete with with white eyelet trim) would mean that I was one of the douchebags, and that may hav been true ten years ago, but now I'm Team OH MY GOD GET ME AWAY FROM THE KIDS IN THE BEER GARDEN!

I'm mature and shit now, duh.

My pal Walkera and I decided to check out the Union Street Festival on Saturday afternoon. It was a beautiful day, we had time on our hands, so why not? Except that ohhhhhhhhhh dear...Mr. Lone Hipster wasn't kidding...it really was a douchebag convention.

Sometimes I'm like "The Marina gets a bad wrap...it can't be THAT bad" and then I go to the Marina and I'm reminded that YES, IT IS that bad. It was a bonanza of drunk chicks in maxi dresses and drunk men in popped collars.

We spent the whole time going "Maaaan...how do they tell each other apart? They all look exactly the same to me!"

But back to the Missed Connection:

The thing that caught my attention was the hipster part. I reguarly roll my eyes at the hipsters in the Mission drinking their coffee and wearing their ironic t-shirts and eating escargot out of taco trucks, but I think the douchebaggery is increased tenfold when you SELF-IDENTIFY as a hipster.

Blah blah blah.

This is the third entry I've started today and I'm determined to actually click publish so pretend there's a profound or witty wrap-up here.

I'm hot but I can't take off my jacket because the shirt I'm wearing underneath is unflattering, I want a Diet Dr Pepper but I have to go to Weight Watchers in less than two hours and I don't want the unnecessary 12 ounces, I've been here since 7AM and I'm READY TO LEAVE.

So in about 11 minutes I'm going to be in my car, headed to Santa Clara to give my SIL my opinion on the fabric she bought for her new valances, which is 1,000 times better than sitting here and waiting for it to be WW time.

I'M GONNA CLICK PUBLISH! WITHOUT EVEN CHECKING MY SPELLING! OMG!