Only in San Francisco

Tony, one of my gay boyfriends, invited me to be his date to a fundraiser party for this movie:



I've never seen What Ever Happened to Baby Jane but it's all kind of creepy, no?

But I love me some Tony and I love me a room full of drag queens so I figured it would be a campy good time. What I wasn't expecting though, was for it all to be such a magical night.

But first, let me remind you that I am NOT a fan of house parties unless I know a solid 50% of the crowd. My anxiety goes OFF THE CHARTS and I generally just can't wait to get home and put on my pajamas and hide. In a professional setting I can chit chat till the cows come home but put me in a social setting and I freak out. I think it has to do with anxiety over people not wanting to talk to the fat chick (and all the associated BLAH BLAH BLAH coo-coo crazy in my head).

But anyway.

It was a straaaaaaaangely warm night on Friday -- I think I remember looking at my phone and seeing that it was like 70 degrees at 10PM, but I didn't need technology to tell me that it was warm. We got the house and it looked empty, but that's because everyone was out on the back deck enjoying the weather.

Tony said I'd love the house. I believed him because the other guy I know from this circle lives in an AWESOME OLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLD victorian with what appears to be original EVERYTHING, which is also why that house is rumored to be falling apart from the inside, out.

But maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan, Tony wasn't kidding. I LOVED that house. It was actually a duplex and I'm not clear on the relationship between the two owners -- if they knew each other before they moved there or not, but it seems to have worked out because Tony said that both sides are usually open when they have parties.

The ornate side was SPEC-TAC-U-LAR. It was kind of traditional victorian meets a modern color pallette.

The window coverings involved GOBS AND GOBS AND GOBS of richly colored silk (?), the furniture and upholstery were RICH RICH RICH and the colors were awesome and funky and freaking gorgeous. The best part though, was that the "wallpaper" throughout the entire place was hand painted by one of the guys who lived there. It was so ornate, I can't even tell you. Monkeys, flowers, scrolls, patterns -- you name it. All hand painted.

The bedroom was OH MAH GAH gorgeous. Like where you'd expect a really, really, really spoiled princess to live. A real-life princess. Not like those chicks on My Super Sweet 16. The canopy and the bedding and the OH MAH GAH of it all was spectacular. And GRRRRRR, I was trying to be cool about it all so I only took one quick camera phone pic of the canopy but it was all dark and sexy with the mood lighting and the picture didn't come out.

The kitchen was also fantastic. It was filled with really dark, heavy old-timey looking cabinets and appliances, but with turquoise walls with an intricately painted gold pattern. It was gorgeous. GORGEOUS.

And OMG the bathroom! Tony said I couldn't leave without checking out the bathroom. How exciting could it be? Except that WHOA! The toilet was actually this big wicker chair and you had to lift up the chair seat to reveal the actual toilet. It seems like they're just asking for a mess with that, but it was super cool and hey...maybe they sit down when they pee. I dunno.

The other side of the duplex was much more true to the victorian decor, but with a surprising number of taxidermied heads on the walls. The whole place was lit with gas lights (they say there are only 40 or so homes left in SF with the original gas lighting) and the vibe in there made me feel like I was in that PBS reality show called 1900 House or whatever -- the one where the modern day family lived in a home true to the turn of the century. It was really dark and victorian but it also somehow managed to *not* look like someone's grandma lived there.

There was a grand piano just off the parlor and a man in a tux playing for anyone who wanted to sing. Tony and I found seats in the parlor and sat there listening to a fantastic impromptu concert preformed by a few drag queens who were not currently in drag, which made it that much more awesome.

So I was sitting there in this beautiful house (albeit one I wouldn't want to be in alone on a stormy night), surrounded by the nicest strangers I'd ever met, listening to handsome men sing cabaret and I just could not get over how lucky I am that THIS is my life.

Here's one of them, actually:



She's a gorgeous lady, but he is also a handsome man.

We eventually moved outside and I sat on the deck talking to a woman who was gushing about how magical the night was. I was glad that it wasn't just me.

I was reaching my limit and the awesomeness of it all wasn't enough to make me forget that I was uncomfortable, so Tony and I left after a couple of hours, but daaaaaaaaamn that was cool.

Other notes:

1. There was this chick dressed up in like an all-white Raggedy Ann outfit and really exaggerated eyelashes painted on her face. Tony said that he's never seen her in the same outfit twice and that she used to be in Fellini movies. I was like daaaaaamn, I thought Fellini was a bajillion years ago. He said yeah, but this chick was in her 50's. And seriously, I would have guessed she was 35. I REALLY wanted to know more about her though. Where does she live? Does she have a job? Does she take the garbage out? Does she go grocery shopping? I couldn't imagine her living out her day-to-day life.

2. But speaking of Fellini, once he said that I was able to put my finger on the vibe. I felt like I was in a Fellini movie. Kinda eerie, what with the ornate setting and the distant sounding piano music, but kind of awesome too. And considering I was in the home of the guys who are making that movie, not unexpected.

3. And if any of you SF'ers have ever been to see Trannyshack's Golden Girls episodes, Baby Jane is played by the same guy who plays Blanche!

YAY, SAN FRANCISCO!