Friday, August 29, 2008

I'm nothing, if not random.

1. Have you ever been driving along and all of a sudden you talk yourself into thinking that you have a flat tire? And then maybe you pull over and see that no, you're just a paranoid dumbass?

Well the one time I actually *was* driving on a flat tire it was REALLY obvious and I pulled over half a block from home. I was half pissed that the tire slasher of 2004 was at it again but also half glad to know that okay, when I have a flat tire, I'll totally know. That inconvenient morning has actually given me peace of mind ever since.

But that's not the point of #1 on my list. Here's the point:

I've always been paranoid about drinking spoiled milk. Not that I thought I ever had because UNLIKE MY MOTHER, I'm vigilant about expiration dates, but I was never quite sure how I'd know if my milk had gone bad. But now, I'm half disgusted and half pleased to report that thanks to that first bite of cereal I was going to have for dinner last night, you'll KNOW when the milk is bad.

MAAAAAAAAAAN, it was gross. According to the expiration date, my milk was supposed to be good until 9/2 but when I tried to remember how long ago I'd bought it, it seemed like a lonnnnng time ago. So maybe the expiration date was wrong? Or maybe I was just unlucky and got a bum jug? Either way, I can now rest easy knowing that if my milk goes bad, I'll know the second it reaches my tongue.

The crazy lady in me felt bad for the cereal that it didn't get to fulfill its purpose -- being eaten -- but luckily I had a fresh thing of milk in the fridge so I was able to help the dead cereal's brothers and sisters achieve their dreams.


2. My balcony faces a major street here in San Francisco and GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY it's dirty. So dirty, in fact, that it's useless to me because I don't want to tread soot all over my nice, clean carpet. Several months ago, my dad helped me rig a hose from my kitchen faucet, all the way across my dining area and living room and out the door so I can hose it all down. I've only done it a few times because A) I feel bad for pouring all my dirt onto my downstairs neighbor's patio (even if I DO shoot the water gun down there in an attempt to direct the dirt down her drain...besides...she has a water spigot and a hose so it's not the end of the world) and B) each time I've attempted this cleaning process I end up with a leak somewhere and the subsequent soggy carpet stresses me out.

This time I remembered the washer that I was supposed to put in the connection so that the living room wouldn't be the victim and I was happily hosing the crap out of my balcony, scrubbing it with a big brush and some Comet (probably going to eco-hell for that one) and feeling pleased with myself.

Until there was a lull in the traffic and I heard the hiss of spraying water.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh SHIT!

It was everywhere. If you've been to my apartment, you know it's long and narrow. Lake Kitchen started at the far wall (the orange one in the kitchen) and was primarily contained in the kitchen area, but there was a geyser that doused everything in the dining area and went as far as the back of the couch. I ran to turn off the water while also thanking the sweet baby Jesus that, for the first time in a couple of months, I had moved my computer to the ottoman for some couch based internetting and that it wasn't in its usual resting place, smack dab in the line of fire, on my dining table.

The carpet was only slightly damp and nothing important was hurt, but I think the lesson learned for next time is that this is a two person job: One person to scrub and spray and one person to babysit the sink.

So that was my morning, how was yours?

3. Speaking of water, one of my neighbors is having something plumbing or water related done so the water is off from 12-3. I can yellow is mellow with the best of them (at HOME, not AT WORK like that one place I interviewed:


but it's the lack of hand warshing that will torture me.

So I'm going to the movies. And I will eat popcorn. DELICIOUS popcorn that I've been hankering for all week long.

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