I have a whole lot to say about a whole lot of nothing.

1. From Fail Blog:


Like a bidet, I imagine.

2. There are five apartments on each floor of my building and each floor shares a washer and dryer. Until recently, I'd never had much of a problem doing my laundry whenever the heck I felt like it because I don't think 303 or 301 EVER did laundry, 304 was never home and 305 is a late night laundry guy. So that left 302 (me) plenty of prime time laundry doing.

BUT THEN 303 sold his apartment and the new owner, GASP, does laundry on a regular basis so I had to compete with him, but fine, no problem, whatever.

AND THEN 304 rented her place out to a 20-something couple and not two days later I found a pair of underwears in my laundry that did not belong to me and I JUST KNEW that these new people would ALSO want to get on my laundry game.

DAMN THESE PEOPLE AND THEIR PERSONAL HYGIENE!!!!!!!!!!

3. But okay, speaking of finding those underpants in my laundry -- I was transferring stuff from the washer to the dryer and I saw what looked like a hot pink rubber glove or something sticking to one of my dresses. My mind processed this information slowly and I couldn't figure out what the heck I'd left in my pocket because this tiny, flimsy chunk of pink something-or-other was very confusing. It took me a second to realize that it was the new chick's underwear that was SO FREAKING SMALL and made of NOTHING that it's really no wonder they were forgotten.

I didn't want to embarrass her by knocking on her door and going "OH HAI, WANT YOUR CHONIES BACK??" and I didn't want to just leave them out for her to find because if the shoe was on the other foot I'd be horrrrrified to think that maybe 301 had been the one to find them and I'd have to throw them away because the thought of him touching my underpants would ruin them forever, so I just tossed them down the garbage chute.

The kicker is that when I finally figured out what they were I surprised myself with my old lady "THIS IS UNDERWEAR?? THIS IS WHAT THE KIDS ARE WEARING THESE DAYS?? THIS IS THE TINIEST, LEAST FUNCTIONAL UNDERWEAR I'VE EVER SEEN!" reaction.

32 going on 72, I tell you.

4. I think we've already established that I'm working on eating my way through the list of 100 Things to Try in SF Before You Die, right? Because I am. I've made some decent progress over the past few months and I'll save my reviews and blah blah blah for another post but I will say that I decided to earn #8: A morning bun from Tartine, by walking my ass 1.4 miles to get it:


My walk was not without incident though:

This is an example of why WE DO NOT RUN FOR BUSSES! Or in this case, a light. I was in a hurry because I had to work my second job (btw, I have a second job) and I didn't want to miss the light so I ran and my phone jumped out of my pocket. Oops. I've seen worse cases of iPhone injuries though so I know it'll be fine and I already kinda like that the back of my phone is all worn looking because I refuse to get a case for it, so another war wound will just add character. Besides, that morning bun was totally worth it.

5. The two greatest fortunes I've ever had:



6. So you know how Mother's Cookies went bankrupt or something and everyone cried little tears because they thought they'd eaten their last circus animals? And then how some other company bought Mothers' recipes? And how they sucked because the circus animals were bigger and creamier and tasted kinda lemony? Because all that is true. Here are the wanna-be circus animals:


WELL YOU'LL NEVER GUESS what I saw at Lucky's last night!! The original Mother's circus animals! I didn't think to take a picture before I threw the bag away (so I wouldn't keep eating them -- blasphemy, I know) but it said something like "The originals are back!" And I'm happy to tell you, Internet, that the new-new ones have the correct size, flavor and texture:



I called my dad to give him the good news and he was like "I was already having a great day so this just makes it even better!" He's a man who knows the importance of tradition. And now that I know they're back, I can go back to buying one bag every five years or so.