If anyone at work talked to me, I might whisper about this stuff with him/her, but since I'm a leper, I am resorting to telling the internet.

1. The women in this joint are serious farters. In the bathroom, I mean. I haven't detected anything outside of the bathroom, but EVERY DAMN TIME I'm in there with someone else there's some FORCEFUL farting going on. And they don't even wait for me to leave before they exit the stall.

I don't get:

A. Why the hell they have such gassy asses in the first place.

B. Why they're so proud of it. If I let a loud one slip I'd totallllly hide out until I my co-pee'rs were gone. (And yes, gentlemen...I know that it's a bathroom and that farting is normal bathroom activity, but just as there is special bathroom etiquette for men that I don't understand, you don't understand the special bathroom etiquette that ladies tend to follow.)

2. The HR lady is a piece of work with her wigs and her accessories and oh mah gah I can't even BEGIN to do her justice, but if you recall, she's also the one who overuses and mispronounces the word "actually." It's in every damn sentence that comes out of her mouth, axtsilly. Anyhooters, when she sends e-mails that start out "Dear Employee's" it makes me nuts and axtsilly, I can't be bothered to fill out the form she's asking me to fill out.

3. I was outside on the balcony and I noticed a pile of fingernail clippings. YOU KNOW how I feel about clipping your fingernails at work (THAT IS A HOME ACTIVITY!), but LEAVING THAT SHIT ON THE BALCONY LIKE THE FINGERNAIL FAIRY IS GOING TO COME CLEAN IT UP!!??!

No.

Unless maybe birds use them for their nests like they use hair. Except that I noticed the fingernails earlier this week and they're still there so the bird excuse, if true, does not hold water.